Homer Simspon Wept.

Pork Rain and the residents are complaining:

Butchers Pet Care could shelve plans for a factory in Coton Park, near Rugby, because angry Asian families have complained to their residents’ association about pork smells drifting into their garden.

Muslim residents in the area also claim the pork will effectively “rain down” on their homes and gardens after the factory’s 100ft chimney has pumped the meat extracts into the atmosphere.

It's like that scene in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory where Charlie slows and inhales the air around the Wonka factory like it was sustenance. Except it isn't. Prats.

A statement from Butchers Pet Care said: “The majority of our natural products are beef and poultry.

“Pork ingredients account for less than 10% of our range.

“At Coton Park we plan to introduce state-of-the-art odour extraction through the chimney stack…

“We would like to reiterate that we do not burn any animal materials.”

Spike

Well I had a traffic spike for the Pirate Master Recap so expect another one next Tuesday or Wednesday. Man, I should have blogged Daybreak.

Pineapple

I am making pizza tonight, specifically bacon, red onion, sun-dried tomato and pineapple - except the can of pineapple I bought has disappeared from the shelves of the pantry. As I rummaged through the shelves muttering darkly ingredients that disappear right when you want them, I had a brain wave. Fruit cocktail. Sometime ago I purchase a case of fruit cocktail because it was on sale. We don't actually eat fruit cocktail, The Muralist insists it's not really fruit and her argument is bolstered by the Verbalist's assertions that the grapes are Ogre eyeballs. But barring the desperation can pulled out of the pantry when the Infant puts away 9 square meals a day, it sits dusty and forlorn next to the cans of extra onion chili, cream corn, and Sirloin Burger Soup which constitutes our disaster rations. The single can of Coconut milk (destined for coconut cream pie and Thai Soup which have yet to materialize on my menu plan) seems hardly worth mentioning.

I opened a can, picked through it for pineapple and came up with 9 miserly tidbits. Nine, NINE! What happened the scads of pineapple that inhabited the fruit cocktails if my youth? For that matter what about the Jello salads chock full of pineapple at the church buffets?

Like Heck!

Discovery Channel is running shark Week and one of the promos was touting the "Misunderstood shark". Like heck! Sharks are soulless eating machines which never die unless they are actively killed. There is no misunderstanding here. In that spirit i present Creepy fish of the deep:

Pirate Master Episode 9 Recap

Well the Chuckleheads at CBS have once again cancelled a show without warning. I'm not too broke up, after all Pirate Master is mostly mediocre. Darn it all though, I really was grooving on Jay's wicked gaming and wanted to see who his next sucker was. If you are dedicated you can watch episodes on CBS's crap-tastic Innertube site. I stuck through the pixilation and intermittant sound to recap so you don't have too.

On the last Pirate Master: Captain Azmyth gets big for his britches and the crew murmur that mutiny sounds like a good idea. Jupiter decides that she better warn Azmyth but does so in such a stupid way as to ensure that Azmyth black spots her for being a mutineer herself. Jupiter then seals her fate by announcing that she would never vote for mutiny and Captain A. realizes too late he must cut adrift his best ally. Oops.

Credits.

Cameron-the-host opens the next section of the Chest of Zanzibar and finds the next letter detailing the next treasure was the Cook's, who was a party dude. So the final 8 row to shore, find an old fort, and precede to get drunk to celebrate getting half way through.

The next morning, Cameron shows up and hands out keys and clues and tells them the hunt for the next part of the treasure begins today. Further he explains that the captain no longer has officers and Azmyth is stripped to Ben and Jay who draw shot with the common crew in the team divvys. This suits Jay just fine as he knows a mutiny had been almost certain if Azmyth retains the Captaincy and now he has a chance to get rid of some competition without looking like the backstabber he is.

After they draw shot and the black team is: Azmyth, Nessa, Louie, and Laurell and the red team is: Jay, Ben, Christa, and Kendra. Cameron starts them with a pistol shot and they all huddle and read the clue. "find the stockade", line up your keys from large to small, look through the loops, find the cannon and torture chamber which is their next destination.

Red team is immediately hampered by the fact that Jay's vocabulary skills are better than the producers. "Stockade, stockade means like a prison, look along the walls." says Jay who knows that stockade means "fan enclosure or pen made with posts and stakes." Meanwhile black team makes the same assumption that the producers do and runs over to the stock(a device for publicly punishing offenders consisting of a wooden frame with holes in which the feet or feet and hands can be locked) where a skeleton hangs. They line up their keys, site the cannon and go running off.

Christa notes the keyholes on the stock as she passes it and pulls them back from their fruitless search of the walls. They run after the black team.

The black team has run to the cannon and torture chamber beneath and where Louie works at a puzzle to unlock shackles for the next part of their clue. Louie is stumped by the key puzzle long enough for Jay to squirm in beside him, burn through it and squirm out with red team's shackles. Red team makes their way to some steps that they have to count and then work out a simple math problem: x stairs-1/22=y under y is the key to the treasure.

As the red team counts stairs, black team is agitated the Louie can't seem to get their shackles free and Azmyth huffs that he could have done it much faster because he is smarter than Louie.

Back at the stairs, Jay counts 68 and Ben counts 66. "It must be one or the other." says Jay his brain on pause. "You dumbass it's 67! You have to get a whole number when you divide." I shout. Fortunately, Christa knows that one less the final number needs to be divided by 22 evenly and tells them it must be 67. 67-1/22=3. CBS scrolls the equation on the screen quickly for those whose brains have switched off as Jay's seems to have. They hurry back down the steps and scrabble for the key.

Black key finally gets their shackles and runs to the stairs. They have a different equation so they can't just look where red team does. The clues then tell them to put the shackles on someone and have them pace 300 steps in one direction. Jay does the honors for red team and later Louie for black. Jay finds the treasure right as black team arrives in the clearing. Buh-bye Azmyth.

Back on the ship, they pour out the gold and count it up to 50,000 dubloons. Jay directs in the counting in an experienced manner and they whoop at the high number. Cameron asks who is nominated as captain. Jay nominates Christa, who seems less than thrilled to be a target, and Ben and Kendra back Jay's choice. Cameron goes on to explain that because she has no officers that she nominates only 2 people for a black spot and what's more the Captain get ALL the money. Furthermore, this Pirate's court is the last time the pardon will work. Jay interviews he now wishes that he put himself up for captain instead of putting up a puppet. Immediately they are wondering if Christa is going to get greedy or if she is going to divvy it up evenly in shares of 12,500.

Jay starts to butter up Christa dubbing her Sweetbeard and mutters to her that he has a devious plan. His plan is to screw Kendra out of her share while Christa takes the fall for doing it. Sounds pretty good huh?

Back in Captain's quarters Jay tells Ben and Christa his scheme. Christa is to call Kendra in and give her 2,500 now and promise to bid 10,000 on the Royal pardon. Then not actually bid on the pardon, black spot her and cut her adrift. Jay is still steaming that Kendra lied to him a few episodes ago. Christa seems to think it's mostly a good idea but is savvy enough to know that it is dirty pool and reserves the right to change her mind.

Kendra can not swim but she is not stupid and manages to figure out what Jay cooked up with Christa but can only hope that Christa is not as shady as Jay is. Really, she has no other options.

Christa knows that black spotting sets you up as a target so she canvasses the crew's opinions one by one on who ought to get a black spot. Their opinions dovetail with hers and it takes the heat off of her. Kendra and Azmyth get black spots. Kendra is worried as she gets her forth black spot. Azmyth deludes himself that he is safe and doesn't bid on the pardon. Jay is surprised by his blindness.

At this point CBS' crappy site no longer plays audio feed and the picture is stuck on the Picton Castle at sunset. So for the Pirate court I go to the offical episode recap:

At Pirates' Court, Cameron addresses the new Captain and points out that without Officers, the threat of Mutiny is greater than ever. Christa explains that Azmyth was marked tonight because he's the strongest and everyone thinks he'll win if he's not set adrift and Kendra was marked because she's the weakest link on Expeditions.

Azmyth begins his defense by saying that this has been a powerful experience before adding, "You are correct in saying that I am a strong competitor… And I will tell you that I will fight my hardest for myself to be here, to win. And for the rest of the crews that I'm on, I'll stay positive, I'll stay strong." Kendra steps forward and points out that she wanted to do something different for her fourth time as a marked Pirate. She starts to read a poem about her life on the ship, which elicits fond smiles from the crew. "My heart is here with my Captain and crew, breathing deep the possibility of treasure to be found," she reads. "The Black Spot does not cast a shadow, for I saw a red sky tonight, a sailor's prediction of fair winds and good fortune."

When Cameron turns to the crew, Jay reiterates his belief that Kendra deserves the Black Spot, Laurel says she's glad to see Azmyth marked because she doesn't understand him, and Ben says Azmyth is up there because of his strengths. "He never stops," Ben says of Azmyth. "He's smart, so rightfully he's up there."

When it's time to vote, the Pirates cast their ballots atop the dagger's blade. Cameron announces Christa as the highest bidder at $10,000, proving that she didn't comply with Jay's plan to sabotage Kendra. As Christa pays Kendra, Cameron tells her there were no Mutiny ballots. Cameron then points out that Kendra has escaped from Pirates' Court yet again. The vote is unanimous: Azmyth is to be cut adrift. As he disembarks, Azmyth turns to the crew and says, "It'll be interesting to see who the actual Pirate Master is. If it's not me, I don't know who it's gonna be."

Happy Birthday

Lynda Carter!

Better, stronger, faster.

"Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic man. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster."

Via Ace:

A highly functional bionic hand which was invented by a Scottish NHS worker has gone on the market.

Jackpot!

A boy buys a PS2 console on eBay and finds 65,400 Euros but not the promised games. The best part is the quote from the eBay spokesman:

"We know eBay is a great place to pick up a bargain although, in this case, we agree that the contents of the parcel were somewhat unusual and we will assist with any inquiries police may wish to make."

Uh huh.

Heart Attack

...waiting to happen.

Write In

Dave Burge as President in '08. I know I will, but for goodness sakes don't let Goldstein write his speeches!


He's got the support of the troops:

Harry Potter mania

Amazon.com has a list of the most Harry Potter crazy locales in the USA based on book pre-orders. Washington State has quite a few with Gig Harbor coming in at number 2 on the list and Snohomish at number 8. Washington State cities also took spots 7, 17, 56, 65, 70, and 75.

More Cowbell

Via Ace, the USAF will be unleashing The Reaper a robotic attack squadron equipted with hunter killer drones:

The airplane is the size of a jet fighter, powered by a turboprop engine, able to fly at 300 mph and reach 50,000 feet. It's outfitted with infrared, laser and radar targeting, and with a ton and a half of guided bombs and missiles.

The Reaper is loaded, but there's no one on board. Its pilot, as it bombs targets in Iraq, will sit at a video console 7,000 miles away in Nevada.

The arrival of these outsized U.S. "hunter-killer" drones, in aviation history's first robot attack squadron, will be a watershed moment even in an Iraq that has seen too many innovative ways to hunt and kill.

That moment, one the Air Force will likely low-key, is expected "soon," says the regional U.S. air commander. How soon? "We're still working that," Lt. Gen. Gary North said in an interview.

The Reaper's first combat deployment is expected in Afghanistan, and senior Air Force officers estimate it will land in Iraq sometime between this fall and next spring. They look forward to it.

Pho-Toe-Graf

There are instructional videos for everything by folks not necessarily good at making videos. But this is why we have our Chorus:

Once the preliminaries are out of the way, we meet Jim Miotke, the host, who – it must be said – appears to be overlit. In a voice not overly burdened with inflection, he sets out the problems people confront when photographing kids: “Sometimes the subject’s too blurry, other times too dark, other times too bright.” This is a comprehensive DVD, in other words. He also notes that “sometimes your subject suffers from things such as red eye,” and you might think, well, that’s what the “Remove Red Eye” button in the photo-editing software is for, right? Or do we use antibiotics? Well, there’s the automated idiot-proof computer programs, and there’s the skill of the artist. Which would you rather have? Right.

Session 1: Jim’s back, holding a kid; he introduces himself as Jim Miotke, again. He’s much better lit. Unfortunately, instead of learning anything about light, and how to work with it, we get what seems to be an alternate opening. “How would you like to take pictures of your kids that truly capture the qualities that make them so adorable?” Love to! And by some peculiar coincidence that’s why I rented “Photographing Kids.” This bonus, extended-cut opening includes a third example of Jim Miotke telling us he is Jim Miotke, and he says he’d “like to welcome us to another adventure in photography.” Another? Isn’t this the first? Is this the second disk in a six-disk series? You know sometimes how you’re watching season three of the Sopranos and your spouse is watching Season two, and you get the disks mixed up and all of a sudden she’s wondering who these characters are and why their hair looks different – could be like that. Let’s check the package.

Two Excellent Looks

at withdrawal from Iraq: The first is Col. Austen Bay:

But this “Iraqi scenario” post strikes me as one I needed to get on the blog sooner rather than later. I saw the Prime Minister Maliki and Ambassador Crocker provided Hell scenarios earlier this week. These scenarios will appear in an upcoming Creators Syndicate column. I created these scenarios last month for a company which is starting a new media venture. The company’s senior leadership has been involved in elementary school education software. I’ve been doing “content consulting” —which by any other name is course and program content development. Good work for a teacher. I’ll put up a detailed post once the organization “launches” its product. The scenarios were tacked on to a much (much) longer “background history” of the Middle East.

Here are seven “scenarios” sketching “potential outcomes” of a quick withdrawal from Iraq. They are not mutually exclusive. They could well “blend.” In fact, an amalgam of the first six could occur.

These are speculative dramas. The US and the Iraqi governments have their own scenarios. I am certain that Iran, Al Qaeda, Syria and Turkey have also analyzed potential outcomes and made plans accordingly.

The second is Gateway Pundit's side by side numbers for various death rates for US soldiers in various conflicts and peacetime.

Happy Birthday

To both our Nation (the 4th) and Mr. Huey Lewis (whose birthday is the 5th):